Torture
by kneelinfrontofthequeen
Summary: He may have deleted her phone number but it doesn't really matter since he has memorized it by heart. OutlawQueen set after 4.12
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Takes place after 4.12. Slight AU: Nobody knows how Snow Queen entered the city, so there is no scroll and the road out of town is pretty much a one way road. Good that there are cellphones though.

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He may have deleted her phone number but it doesn't really matter since he has memorized it by heart. The sound of beeping makes him crazy. He has no idea about why it is taking so long, he even doubts that the bloody thing works at all, may be it doesn't, he's no good with the technologies of this world. Anyway, he waits for several seconds but they feel like hours so when the beeping suddenly stops, his heart twitches from a painful thought that this bloody phone is really broken – and then his heart stands still. He hears her.

\- Hello, Mayor Mills here, - she doesn't sound cheerful, and there is absolutely no way for him to tell from these short three words how she feels, not with her walls of defense all build up anyway, but he can hear her. It's her, she's alive, she still exists somewhere in this world and it's enough to render him speechless for several moments. Several pretty long moments, judging from Regina's annoyed voice calling for someone on the other end of the line, - Helloooooo.

\- Re… Regina, - his thick voice cuts through the silence like a knife through the butter. Regina has to grasp the edge of the table to steady herself as she feels that the ground is cut under her feet. Her eyes are instantly filled with tears, and her voice betrays her as well. She has been only living because she has been hoping for this call to happen; she hasn't believed it would.

Robin is the first to come to his senses:  
\- H…how are you? – it's a stupid question, and he can feel how dumb and empty it sounds but he has never actually thought through what he's gonna say to her once he dials the number. To be totally honest, he has never thought he actually would dial and she would pick up, so now it is more like a dream come true. He is panting, he wants to hear her soft voice, to feel how it warms him up from the inside the way it used to do but she doesn't say a thing.

\- Regina, - he repeats her name almost pleadingly. She swallows loudly so that even he can hear a lump in her throat that she is trying to deal with. She bites her lip in order not to cry and, more importantly, not to sob so that he wouldn't think she is crying.

\- F-f-fine. I'm fine, - she does her best to conceal the pain she is in but she fails. She doesn't cry out from the pain though, and it is a huge achievement as well since she really feels like doing it, - And how are you? How is Roland?  
She is desperate to reach for the safe ground, to speak about something neutral, to be able to have this conversation at all. Sadly, no topic seems to be safe enough; she mentions the boy she was dreaming of calling her own - just as Henry once - and her heart skips a bit.

\- I... I'm... - Robin tries to lie and tell her that he is OK but the word gets stuck in his throat so he strives for the safety of the child topic as well, - Roland asked about you just the other day.

That is indeed a bit too painful for her to bear. Her defenses go high because she just has to protect herself from this torture. She snaps.  
\- What... What are you doing, Robin? How can you be so cruel? Why are you telling me this?! - she doesn't shout, it's more like a whisper actually but she whispers like a snake, a snake prepared to attack; a hurt snake.

\- I'm... I'm sorry, Regina. I was...

\- Thinking about yourself only, just as usual, - old habits die hard, so she tries to hurt him the way he hurt her, she wants him to suffer from this burning, antagonizing pain, the same one she feels within.

\- I was hoping you would be glad to hear from me, - he continues to make his point, ignoring her accusations the way he has done it so many times before. He is not hurt by her words, or at least he is not hurt as much as he could be because, well, he knows just too well that he is the one to blame. He blames himself every hour of every day for being the reason for her sufferings but it is already too late to fix that. So the least he can do is to try and make her feel better, - That you would be glad to know that I am... I am so happy to hear your.  
He thinks he hears a muffled sob while he is speaking and his heart stiffens yet again at the realization of the pain he has caused. He is desperately looking for something to do to help her feel better but he can't do much apart from speaking, so he's looking for some words of comfort – and he is so not ready to what he hears next.

\- And I am not glad that you've called me in order to torture me! I am not glad I have ever got close to you! I am not glad I've met you at all! – Regina screams the last words, hits the red button and throws the phone on a couch. Her heart is pounding but apart from this her office is as still as a cemetery on the darkest night.  
She looks at the cellphone, no, she stares at it, and the tears start flowing freely down her cheeks. She has never meant to be so cruel to him, she was truly happy to hear his voice, she loves him, for God's sake! And yet there she is, crying in silence because she couldn't stop herself from snapping, couldn't control her emotions, couldn't be the best person Henry wants her to be. She doesn't even make it to the couch, collapsing on the floor right where she stood, buries her face in her hands and cries. For everything that was now lost to her, including her true love. Her true love which she has pushed away yet again.

It takes her a couple of minutes to compose herself and to be able to get to the couch that happens to be much more comfortable than the cold floor. She blames herself for what she has just done, even more, she hates herself for being just a hurt Evil Queen once again. By the look of things, she is doomed to live the rest of her life alone and miserable with no one to blame for it but herself. Well, may be Robin as well. Just a little bit. Thinking about him is unbearable; his voice still sounds in her head, so warm and soothing and… Her phone starts beeping again. She reaches for it – and she already knows. It's him. He always knew how long he had to wait before making another try.

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So, this is the first one. I actually plan to continue torturing Regina, yes, even if in a slightly another way. So please read & comment and forgive me for not having this thing beta-read for you (help for the next chapters and upcoming stories would be mush appreciated actually xD)


	2. Chapter 2

**So, first of all I'm sorry that it took me so long to update, I got distracted by my other story, I can't make it go away, in the first place, and by my state exams in the second. But I do promise to update more often from now on.**

 **To the review of _OQSeason3B \- _ I'm not sure that Sheriff of Nottingham is in the cards for this story xD But the idea is lovely, I'll keep it in mind in case Regina really wants to show Robin what a bastard he is)**

 **Discaimer: Still don't own anything.**

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She looked at him and couldn't believe it was really him. But, of course, it was. He looked much worse than when she had last seen him, eyes without a sparkle, the wrinkles much more visible. Yes, he definitely looked older. This world was wearing him off.

"You don't look too good", her voice was sullen, she spoke quietly as if she was extremely tired.

He looked at her and couldn't believe it was really her. She was just as he remembered her, just as she was when he left - apart from her eyes. They were hollow, as if there was nothing inside her. It scared him. It was as if she was dead.

"Neither do you, thank you very much", he tried to smile and failed, his usual retort sounded false, completely out of place.

They both shifted uncomfortably in their seats. He leaned closer, as if to make sure he didn't miss the slightest detail, the smallest wrinkle around her eyes, the tiniest lip movement. She leaned back, thinking that she should have put her reading glasses on for this one.

"I love you, Regina. Every day of my life I spend without you is a torture", her heart skipped a bit.

"I die every day you're not around", his heart squeezed as if it was actually being squeezed by some evil sorcerer.

No one said anything for quite some time after that. The exchange of heart-wrenching phrases was over, they both knew they were not going to say anything else on the subject but they stayed silent for a couple of minutes nonetheless. They needed some time to imprint the words and the voices, which said them, in their memories. They needed to be able to replay them later in their heads.

"I got a job", he broke the silence with such nonsense because he had to tell her something, because simply staring at her felt incomplete. He wanted to do something else, just his sight was not enough, he had to use his other senses too. He would have preferred to use the skin sense, to touch her, to hold her in his arms... Or at least to use his odor sense, to smell her hair, her body, her hands after she baked... To taste her would be also a welcome thing, nothing too sexual, just the taste of apple pie on her lips... But all he had left was hearing, and he wanted to use it fully.

"What is it? A bartender?", she recalled reading about the times he had his own tavern and hearing stories about that time during the time they spent together in the Enchanted Forest and here, in Storybrooke.

"No. I don't want to tell just yet. But it is a decent one, I am no thief in this land."

"Is the money I gave you..."

"Yes, I still have plenty, thank you."

"Have you been doing alright with the world and technology around? I know there is much to learn."

"Doesn't us speaking answer this question enough?"

"Well, there are some things which are more complicated than this. All this one requires is just pressing some buttons, and you have probably asked one of the employees to do it for you."

"I know that I am not supposed to cross the road if the light on the other side is red, if that's what you meant", he couldn't help thinking that their conversation today is much more meaningless than any of those they had over the phone earlier. Apparently, seeing each other was really distracting.

"That - and that if you're not short of money, you could think about buying a laptop. I'm sure Ro... Roland would love to play with it."

"Lap-what?"

"Laptop. Computer, like the one you're using now, but smaller and perfect for home use"

"I'm in no need of money, as I've said, but..."

She looked at his face and suddenly knew why this was a bad idea.

"Marian", it hurt even to think about her name, let alone to say it out loud.

"I don't want her to..."

"Yes, we don't want that", she let out a heavy sigh. "But it will be terribly uncomfortable for you to run here every time."

"I would run here even if it was in another realm if it would mean seeing you and speaking to you", on these words her lips pulled into a tiny sad smile, and his heart skipped a bit. He hadn't realized just how much he missed her smile, how he craved for it, how he could never have enough of it.

"And the stuff here is really nice too. They did help me set the thing up and gave me just a couple of odd looks. Though they are probably staring at me right now. What is this place called, once again? "

"Internet-café. And at least they didn't call for nine-one-one straight away", she recalled the conversation they had last time over the phone, them speculating about Robin going straight to the psychiatric ward after asking for help with Skype. She chuckled ever so slightly.

"Yes, that would be a highly unfortunate turn of events", he chuckled as well, and for a moment everything was just as it should be. No heartbreak, no going with never coming back, no dead wives which were suddenly not dead. There were simply two people who loved each other dearly, two lovers who were just temporarily in the different parts of the country, two soulmates who hadn't lost hope.

And he derived his strength from it, and he suddenly thought that his plan wasn't probably all that awful, and he looked her in the eyes and asked.

"I want you to come to the town line. On Monday, at ten o'clock"

"Why? What good will it do to dwell on the place which separated is forever?" She tried to stay as far from it as possible, but trusting herself not to leave her son behind in order to go and destroy another family as well.

"Just come. Will you, Regina?" he was almost pleading, and it would be hard to refuse even if he didn't.

She let out a deep sigh before answering.

"I will be there, Robin. Although I have yet to see..."

"Any good which can come out of it, yes, I know. And I have one more thing to ask... Can you bring a blanket with you?"

"A blanket?"

"You can make it the blanket, for that matter"

"And just which one do you have in mind?", she was more confused than anything but all these riddles were starting to bother her.

"Well, I was wondering if you could take the one from a secret room in your vault... The one which..."

"Yes, I got what you mean, no need to elaborate further. I'm only human, Robin, it still hurts", she cursed herself for saying this, she and Robin in her vault, it used to be one of her happiest memories, alongside with the first kiss with Daniel and the first time Henry called her "Mama". But now, once again alongside with the other two, it was clouded by the painful moments of betrayal: her mother betraying her trust, she betraying Henry's love and, well, Robin betraying all the happiness they could have together. No matter how many times she told herself that it wasn't like that, that he had done nothing of a sort, that it had been the right thing to do and something she had prompted him to do, she still felt this way, and that's why one of the happiest moments of her life was something she didn't want to relive in her head again. Regina felt tears swelling up in her eyes and lifted her gaze to the ceiling, trying to blink them away.

He kept silent, a look of apology on his face, giving her space to deal with emotions. She swallowed and tried to push her feelings back inside to deal with them later.

"So, a blanket? But why? Shouldn't I take a coat if it is about keeping me warm while I stay there in vain?"

"Of course, you may wear a coat, but I would love you to bring the blanket as well. Can you please take just this one leap of faith, your Majesty?

"Her Majesty does not leap anywhere...", her answer was sharp but her usual evil edge at the end of the sentence wasn't there. On the other hand, her voice grew milder towards the end.

"Regina..."

"But Regina may", she finished.

"Thank you. It is already more than I deserve" Later, sitting on a couch in his living room, he actually wondered why on Earth she was still willing to trust him after all that he had done to her. One of, possibly, the most truthful answers was also the scariest for him. She was ready to trust because she had nothing to lose anymore.

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 **So, I guess there will be one more chapter for this one. Apparently, this romantic torture is hard to write so let me know what you think)**


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